2008 Essay contest results

Okay, so Julio was frustrated that there was only one submission from UCI, but impressed that a number of non-UCI students submitted.  And somewhere along the way he got hungry and spent the 100 dollar grand prize on a steak dinner for himself.  He spent the entire time talking to himself about how awesome he is.  (He actually wrote his own essay and judged it to be the best.  After all, by definition, it was the Wong-Smithiest of them all).  Meanwhile, Mike and Jeff judged the remaining entries and awarded the prizes as they saw fit.  Prizes will be distributed to the winners after confirming the preferred method of funds transfer.  For questions, comments, concerns, or love notes, please send an email to julio.coolio@gmail.com.  He’ll get back to you eventually, we promise.


The Committee to Judge Wong-Smithy Essays submitted to the Committee to Judge Wong-Smithy Essays

Jeff, Mike, & Matthew
JaM Productions

the essays

Ron Carlson Goes to the Bank [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Alejandro K. was the best UCI submission, and got a first prize award of $50 cash, with a $25 bonus for use of the word "snorkel" in his submission email (read the fine print, people!).  Alejandro’s submission unexpectedly took a narrative form and included many references to UC Irvine and related content.  We especially enjoyed the cameo appearances of the university and fast-food mascots.


<Untitled> [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Amy B. earned the award for the best overall submission, and receives a $50 reward.  Her essay was determined to be the most Wong-Smithy by a somewhat narrow margin.  The use of stream of consciousness, breaking of the fourth wall, informal tone, word horse-play, and references to previous works all contributed to the increased Wong-Smithtitude.  The essay included references to cannibalism, meat, and zombies, which made up for the fact that her essay was filled with Nothing. 


WB Memo [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Michael B. was a close second to the essay about Nothing, also receiving a $50 reward.  Its numerous references and reminiscence of the golden age of cartoons drastically increased its Wong-Smithiness levels.  The unique formatting (as a legal memo) allowed Mr. B. to use “faux-sequiturs” to create a compelling argument in favor of the WB.  The court rules in the favor of Mr. B.  We are looking forward to the interpretive dance and will deliver Mr. B’s prize after the performance.


HyPHY (what what) [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Katy S. earned significant brownie points with Mike for repping the 925.  But alas, Jeff and Matthew eat their brownies in San Diego.  It was apparent that there was much research devoted to this essay, which detracted from the overall Wong-Smithiness of the paper.  However, it was a very entertaining read, and there were many humorous interjections and memorable strings of words.  She also didn’t follow submission instructions, which caused her to both earn and lose points.  Some positive points include the scholarly use of colloquial language, and the references to previous works of Mr. Wong-Smith (do you guys get the feeling that it’s good to pay attention?).  The size of Katy’s prize was difficult to determine, so according to the “Official Essay Master’s Handbook, v3.887734048” she gets 2d20+1gp which turned out to be 25 dollars.  Lucky for her!